Summer: So close, I can nearly taste its sweet sunshiny goodness.

Today, it's like 80 degrees and just gorgeous. Its one of those days that makes you excited to sit outside with your morning coffee and gives you renewed zest for life.

I cannot frickin' wait for summer. This is going to be an awesome one for several reasons. I'm going to start a whole new phase in my life in the fall, which means that I need to make this summer really count.

Road trip!
Last year, you may have followed my Existential Road Trip blog. This year will be no different. We're not entirely settled on dates or places yet, but we know that we're taking a trip somewhere. Tent, car, cookstove, hatchet. It's going to be badass.

Lollapalooza!
I was really bummed out last year when the Beastie Boys had to cancel their engagement because someone got cancer. This year, I'm really hoping that no one from Green Day is suddenly stricken. And also that they don't run out of big cans of Bud Light Lime after the second day.

Beach!
There will never be any better beach than the one that you can walk to in three minutes. Especially when the only other people that are there are your neighbors. People are never like, ooh, I'm going to head up north to Rogers Park to go to the beach. Which means that you don't need to look particularly good, because, lets face it... it's Rogers Park.

Rogers Park!
Best summertime neighborhood ever. Outdoor dining, movie theater, local weirdos. Beach. Proximity to "cooler" neighborhoods. Best ever.

Summer Festivals!
Day drinking. Enough said.

Moving on with my life!
It's been grand, and I'll miss everything about my little corner of the world when I leave it. But, the good thing is that I get to strike out on my own again, make a new little corner.

My time off this summer is going to be brilliant! Relaxing and organizing. Preparing for the future, indulging in hobbies. Riding my bike, hanging with family and friends, chilling at the beach or out on the deck.

I'm jealous of my summer self. Only about two and a half more months till I'm home free. Right now, I'm super excited. You know how it is when you wake up and think to yourself, "Oh man, I already know that this is going to be the best day!"? That's how this summer is going to be.

Tempus fugit

*Note to the reader: I realized how much "time," as I use it here, has affected me during the writing of this entry. My apologies for the philosophical tangents and digressions.*

Time is not kind. Sometimes it is, I guess. But generally speaking, I'm going with "not."

I say this because you, my loyal readers, have been clamoring for a new post, and time has flown by. I guess I didn't realize that TWO MONTHS have gone by since my last post.

So here I am, back again. I apologize in advance... I don't have a ton of observations to make tonight. That's kind of a lie, because I do have a lot of observations to make, but not the time to give them the thorough attention they deserve. That's been the case for the last two months. I'm going to make it up to you... I promise.

So, that brings us to the subject of time. It's relative... that's for certain. Yes, the clock ticks on, days pass, months pass, years pass. That's not really what I'm talking about though.

Obvious observation #1: Time flies when you're having fun.
Duh. You're doing stuff, you're busy... or not, you're laughing, celebrating the things that are actually important.
Obvious observation #2: A watched pot never boils.
Yep, it's true. When you're waiting for something to happen (like your day off, or for the time-clock to hit 5), time drags.

Philosophical revelation #1: Some things never change. Some things do.
Think about it... some of your relationships are exactly the same as they were 6 months, 3 years, 15 years ago. Some have changed drastically. Some people you know have changed, some never will.
Philosophical revelation #2: Time doesn't heal all wounds. Sometimes they get worse as time goes on.
Yeah, it might just be merely a flesh wound. That one's probably going to be okay. But how about the loss of a first love? The loss of a family member? The ghosts a veteran carries? Its the wounds we can't see that aren't going to heal with some neosporin and a band-aid.

Okay, with those obvious and philosophical insights in mind, here goes:

It's been a year, almost exactly, since I had my existential crisis. At that time, I made some important choices in the way that I wanted to lead my life. I changed. As time went by, I lost my grip, lost my focus. That's not to say that a lot of positive things didn't happen because of it. It's just that the person I was when I made those choices and the person I am today don't seem that far apart from each other.

I have about 3 months until my life changes drastically. This happens to be one month beyond the date that I had set for myself last year for my big "life changing weekend."

Everything is set. It is falling remarkably into place. And while I feel a huge sense of relief, I'm also unnerved.

I have an uncanny ability to remember dates and the things that happened. I'm not kidding. Dates that are important to me in one way or another stick out in my mind. I'm able to recall them at a moment's notice in great detail. Strangely enough, I don't remember the date that I decided I was going to change my life. I only remember that it was Palm Sunday, and it was 6 days after my last show at Second City. Dates get sketchy here, though, because Adam's birthday happened the Sunday before my last show, the day after my friend Chris left our workplace, and two days after I went out with my friend Sara "on the prowl." I could go on like this, but as I'd like to keep your interest, I'll continue to my point.

I suppose that through the process of deduction, it was 6 days after March 29, 2009. As March has 31 days, I'm going with April 4, 2009. Exactly one year ago, despite the week difference in the religious calendar.

The point is: exactly one year ago tonight, I decided it was time for things to change. And they have. Some things are good, some things are the same, some things have not been so great.

I had a few encounters this weekend at home that are really sticking out in my mind right now. Childhood friends, friends from school, people from church. My family.

Some of these relationships are timeless. I can sit down with them, and its as though not a day has gone past since the last time we were out prowling Menominee/Marinette for a bar that takes cards. For the people at church, I'll always be "Pastor's Daughter."

For some people I encountered, time has been kind and beneficial. Families have grown and developed... become actual families. People I know have grown up, come into their own, and found their voices.

Other people have felt time's heavy weight upon them. They've succumbed to addictions and diseases. Drugs, alcohol, cancer, alzheimers.

Things change and they don't. Careers, relationships, health status. The only thing that ever truly stands as a benchmark for us is time. We can recall dates, anniversaries, and rites of passage. Monday, Friday, holiday. These things change.

Our progress as persons can't be based on dates and times. Things happen. Roadblocks, relapses and remissions change everything. Triggers of tragedy, bursts of joy, laughter and staged photos are the things that stand out in our minds.

So here I am on the one year anniversary of me deciding my life would be different. And it is, in some ways I had hoped and in others that I couldn't imagine.

I'm lucky because I have an amazing family. I have great friends. I have an awesome ability to bring in "the robot" when awkward situations arise.

Once again, I'm using April 4th as my independence day. (lolcats! i think i stole that from a movie!) But seriously. This is the date that I will forever mark in my book as the date that changed everything. It was the first time that I took a step back and realized that I took responsibility for my emotions.

Am I better looking than I was a year ago? Not really. I have bangs, though. I was also able to attain what I referred to as a "rockin' bod."

Did I achieve what I wanted to in this past year? Yes, I certainly did. I found myself, I realized my amazing musical abilities and found a new career path (the last two are unrelated... sorry if I got your hopes up in my career as a singer/songwriter).

I realized that I don't care for bullshit and cynicism. I also realized that those resolutions I set for myself last year at this time were good for me.

That being said... time is a way to measure our successes and failures. It is a way to mark the days. But it's still relative. We can manipulate it the way we want. We can mark a point in the calendar and say, "this is the day something great/awful happened." We can look back on it and say, "oh wow, its been so many years since this... i feel like i've done alot/nothing."

Transient. That is the best term I can think of. We use it the way we want it. It's not necessarily stable. It comes and goes as we need it.

Time can't measure who we are as people. The only thing that can measure that is our relationships and experiences. And the only people that can judge that measure is ourselves.

Here's to yesterday. And today. And tomorrow. And last night. And this morning. And last year. And fourth grade. And three months from now. How good it all is.

I've been listening to a lot of Tegan and Sara lately, because I went to their concert last Friday. Here's an oldie:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wdn1aCUeHX0
Skip to 0:49 for my fave part of the song.

I blame them for my current ponderings.

And, tempus fugit means "time flees," more commonly translated as "time flies." Though I think the "time flees" is quite appropriate.